Now, I consider myself a friendly person. And a sociable one, to a degree. I enjoy seeing friends, socialising, going out and taking part in conversations with others. But I REALLY enjoy being on my own. There was a time, in my younger years, when I could NEVER even consider going out shopping or to the cinema, on my own. I thought that I needed to be with someone to do activities labelled as social . As I became older, I realised that I was with someone, myself. And I liked me. I got on with me. No one gets me like I do. We’ve all felt that way at one time or another. That people just don’t get us and we try to rationalise things in our own heads and it makes sense to us. Others may not always be on our wavelength. And now I enjoy doing these things on my own. Spending time with myself and finding comfort in my own company. Being alone and without feeling lonely.
Humans are innately mostly social beings. Isolation has been a feature of our lives forced upon us recently, making us re assess how much human interaction is crucial to our well being. Largely, we look to maintain and form new relationships with people. And with these connections, there are expectations. There are comparisons and silent judgments, conscious or not. There are worries and concerns as we lack the understanding of each other. There are rules and blurred boundaries. It is like being in a situation when you misconstrue a communication with someone and you start to worry and stress about its meaning. We worry because we care about how we are perceived by others or the possible loss of the connection. And 9/10 there was no issue at all and you have then wasted that time worrying about it. Time you’ll never get back . Imagine how many times we do that.How much time you waste. And it feels so frustrating as it is out of our control. anxiously await their interaction leaving us at their mercy, without control. The truth is you’re not. You are at your own mercy because you place yourself in this situation with a mindset of anxiety and self doubt.
How do we navigate life, without having to walk on egg shells, uncertain, but still experiencing the joy of human interaction? For me, it is about being authenticity and acceptance, of myself. When you reach peace within yourself and acceptance of who you are, you canadmit faults and grow from that without letting this affect your self respect and self love. Now this is something I canstill at times struggle with, but am definately more in tune with this way of thinking now that I am older. I see it all the time with people, letting pride go in the way, providing control to another human being and dismissing their own power. A lot of the times I really don’t give a shit about what people may think of me. I have accepted myself by growing into the person I am today . Flaws and all. And I accept that. I am not striving for perfection. I strive for harmonious existence. If i know that i come from a good place ( honest and positive intentions) then that is fine with me. But if I am wrong (which is VERY VERY rare of course!), then come to me and we can address this. But this can only work if there’s honesty between those two people. I don’t mind saying sorry or apologising if I’m incorrect . That’s because I don’t ever mean to do wrong, so if I do hurt someone’s feelings I will try to empathise and match this with my intentions. And because I know I come from a good place ( the majority of the time. I mean I’m not perfect. Blimey), I am at peace with myself even if I’m wrong. Being wrong does not take anything away from you. Unless you perceive it that way. The real conflict is when pride takes over. In my view, the concept of pride can be so detrimental to our personal growth and empowerment.
Not having high expectations is not the same as lowering your expectations
We expect so much of ourselves in today’s world. And the expectations we place on ourselves, we unwittingly place on others we form attachment to. When you stop overthinking, worrying about and abiding with societal expectations, cultural or traditional ideals, you stop expecting too much from yourself . And that will then reflect within all the human connections you make with others in your lifetime. Not having high expectations is not the same as lowering your expectations. I have expectations of others in my life in relation to respect, care and decency. I expect that I will be treated fairly. Because these are the expectations I place on myself . If I do not gain that from another, that is not a relationship that serves me. It is important to really delve into ourselves if we want to impact on our relationships with others. That’s why I think that sometimes detachment from others enables healthy attachment to others.Detaching yourself from society’s perceptions and ideas of you so you can can recognise the very being of YOU. Not the words, images, accolades used to describe you. But the sense of you. And then you will begin to trust yourself. Trust your gut instinct. I had spent so much of my life so far, not trusting my intuition or gut instinct. Sometimes realising too late that I should have listened to myself . That inner voice. But I do now. I take a moment and listen to myself . Not to others. I do what fits with me.
You are not perfect. And that’s ok. We accept that we can make mistakes as we are only human but at the same time, place ourselves in this high state of expectation, letting pride dictate how we react to situations and our perceptions of them. Once you put the wipers, something that was once so blurred or impossible to preceive, becomes so much clearer. And seen for what they are.
Live your truth in alignment with your conscience and your consciousness
So detach yourself from the perceptions of you. See yourself for who you are, underneath it all. Look inward to reflect outward. Understand and empathise with yourself. Love yourself. Trust yourself.Accept yourself. Empower yourself. Then focus on your relationships with others. And if you place expectations on others, align them with your own self expectations.Not society’s ones.
When you connect with your soul, you truly see yourself as the separate entity that you are . Not your mind which is made up of a melange of societal expectations and a self serving only belief system, you believe is your own. Live your truth in alignment with your conscience and your consciousness. This truth will then attract the right attachments for you.
If you cannot form the bond of attachment with yourself, how can you then form that bond with others?
Originally published at https://riseofivy.co.uk.
